I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
