She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
its not stalking. its research.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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