When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
