I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
