Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
