Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
