There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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