I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
