why didn't you poke me back
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
