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I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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