you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
