Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
