Where did you get a picture of my penis
he thought i was a dude.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
