wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
