He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
