Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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