After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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