what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize