I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
