I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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