i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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