i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You pole danced in your parka.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
