pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
