Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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