So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
