i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
