Pappa wants mamma naked
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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