i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
