My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
