I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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