someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
