In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize