I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
