How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
