singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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