My Higher Power is John Stamos
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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