You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I got inside last night via doggy door
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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