once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
