real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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