Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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