i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
