Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
