all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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