Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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