call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
