I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
And then he peed in my hair
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