Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
