honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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