we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
