Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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