There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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