OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize