Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
