I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I wish I could teleport
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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