great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
