how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize