the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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