Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
