Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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