Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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