you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
