We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
