I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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