Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
