Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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