in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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