Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
