She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
