She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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