you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
