I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
