yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
