That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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