hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
