we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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