I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
