the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
time to smoke my breakfast
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
