Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
